Dear Felix Baumgartner:
I would like to congratulate you on your space jump – it was pretty cool. Also, ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?! Who wakes up and decides you know what? I think I want to break the sound barrier by free falling from a Red Bull space capsule. NOBODY! Well, except you, so again, kudos, because you could not pay me enough to even get in the capsule, let alone free fall. YOLO!
In case you missed it, and if you did, shame on you, Felix Baumgartner free fell and broke the sound barrier yesterday by jumping out of a space capsule (that was hoisted above the ground by a 30 million-cubic-foot helium balloon) 24 miles above ground. He eventually evened out into a controlled fall (I know, the humor there writes itself) and landed safely in New Mexico. This man spent five years of his life preparing for this. You know all the shit you can do in five years?! This could have gone two ways… One, the way it did go (he lived) or the other, he dies in space and a dead body falls on New Mexico. I guess if you are faced with those two choices, both odds are in your favor. I mean his head could have exploded, he could have stepped out into the atmosphere too early and been sucked into space (that is some fucking science fiction business right there) or froze to death and dropped to the ground where his body would shatter into a million pieces (I have got to stop watching Once Upon a Time).
The most interesting thing about his jump to me, was how interested in the jump I was (bitch please, it is always about me). I mean I am not a fan of space, in fact, I am a hater of all things space. It’s weird I know, but I have mentioned this before so no need to rehash. I hate heights – and this dude was at levels that planes don’t even reach (can someone fact check this for me?). Finally I think sky diving or jumping out of a plane is ridiculous. I am sure it is a thrill but you know I like my life so I feel that is not the way I am going to go, which would probably be the way I would end up going. It would be a big “eff you Kacie! Love, the universe” moment. Ugh, I can see it now. Anyhoo….
I am curious if Felix had a playlist to pump himself up for this moment. I would imagine it would consist of the following: Jump, Jump Around, Free Fallin’(thank Tony Cook for this one), Jump On It, Head Over Heels (get it?!), Jump, Jive an’ Wail and once again…Jump. Kind of a hot eclectic mix of stuff, non?
I can see why Red Bull stepped up to be a sponsor of this. I mean their tag-line “Red Bull gives you wings” works perfectly for the jump. I am surprised other people didn’t fight harder for this. Umm, hello marketing folks for the new James Bond movie Skyfall. REALLY?! You didn’t think of the tie in possibilities there with the title alone? Also, James freaking Bond – you could have done so many sweet Bond-esq ads and memes with Felix. Talk about missing out on serious bank. Shout-out and a diss rolled into one for Johnny Knoxville and his Jackass posse. How did you fools not think of this stunt yourselves? Second, HOW DID YOU NOT THINK OF THIS?! Fail, complete fail.
On a final note, I would like to mention that I had the live stream of his “flight” up to his jumping point on both my laptop and television playing at the same time. I was obsessed. I even pulled it up on my phone and made my husband drive my car to brunch with our friends, just so I could continue to watch what happens (speaking of that, BRAVO, missed the boat as well on sponsoring this jump). Guess who was not obsessed? MY HUSBAND! It wrinkles my brain that he had no interest at all in this. I mean come on, space, faster than the speed of sound…how did he not geek out over this? Yet, Neil deGrasse Tyson tweets a line about climate change or whatnot and to him that is worthy of a 45 minute discussion. I have never been more confused.
Anyway, I am glad that Felix is safe and that his jump was a success and I look forward to watching someone actually try to be an one-upper and top this in the next 20 years or so.
Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.