Welcome to Episode 115 of the Two-Headed Nerd Comicast!
Plus, we flip the script and Take A Look, It’s In … Read More
I am not sure how or why we thought it was a good idea, but at one point during our dating relationship my husband and I decided we should get a dog. The best part – we didn’t even live together, but hey, no biggie. During this time of my husband’s life he was out on the road touring a lot with two bands, The 89 Cubs and Statistics. In hind sight my husband says the reason he wanted a dog was because he wanted an excuse to stop touring. Welcome to the family Beeps Baum (fun fact: he was originally going to be named Destro).
Beeps Baum is the cutest fawn pug in Dundee (FACT)! He had an interesting childhood living with Matt and his brother Scott for the first few months over on the corner of 48th and Davenport, a town-home with only a front yard. Beeps would get tied up to one of those leashes with a steak in the ground that let’s dogs run around on them (I’m sure there’s a name for these). Well, that taught Beeps to be friendly with other dogs, people and that is where his hate for loud noises began. To this day if a motorcycle revs by us on a walk he starts growling and tries to chase it. (ASIDE: Beeps is a Republican but that is not important to this story, but you all should follow him on twitter @BeepsBaum. END ASIDE.) During this time Beeps was trained to sleep in a kennel during the night. He loved his kennel. Though six months after his arrival this all changed.
Matt (my husband, which if you don’t know that by now, shame on you) went on a European tour with Statistics for a month plus. While there he was limited to how much he could email or call me, which if you know me, I tout myself as Miss Independent, so no big deal. It was during this time, for whatever reason (perhaps “my cold black heart” ((Matt’s words based on the fact that I didn’t LOVE the Toy Story movies)) was melting away for the adorable fawn pug in front of me) I started letting Beeps sleep in the bed with me at night. This was the time the relationship between Beeps, myself and my husband changed FOR-EV-ER.
The first night after my husband was back from tour he turned off the television and said “let’s go to bed.” Beeps heard the sound of the television turning off and immediately ran up the stairs to Matt’s bedroom. I sat there frozen, hoping my husband was so deliriously tired that he would not realize what just happened. Besides, Beeps was fast like a cat and flew up those stairs at Usain Bolt speed. We walked up the stairs and entered the room where Beeps was sitting on the edge of the bed. My husband turned to Beeps, then to me, then back to Beeps. I finally explained how I had been letting him sleep in the same bed with me while he was on tour. He finally gave in and said fine and we went to sleep. Ever since that event my husband swears his relationship with Beeps was not the same and that Beeps secretly hated him and loved me. In fact he would swear Beeps would sleep on my pillow, cute pug head nestled under my chin, legs extended out stiffly to keep him away from me. I thought my husband was paranoid.
Flash forward three years from when we welcomed Beeps into our lives. We were living together in a house with a monstrous backyard. Good for one pug, but would be perfect for two. One summer day I found an ad in the paper for black pugs, which we decided when we got a new dog, it would have to be a black pug or no deal. That same day when we saw the ad, we came home with a new black pug, Mabel Baum. Mabel is the most adorable black pug in Dundee (FACT).
My husband was determined to make Mabel “his” pug. I mean technically she was his birthday gift (um, hello, best wife – at the time girlfriend – ever). He picked her out of the liter after she bit him repeatedly, he held her in the car ride back to our house while I drove (pressed against his chest so she could feel/hear his heartbeat which he swore would “imprint himself on her as her father”) and took her to a park while I went to back to our house to fetch Beeps so they could have their meet-cute on neutral ground (Cesar Milan-style). I also was told I was not allowed to touch, snuggle, kiss or love her for the first few days. Which, was fine, I played along. I tried avoiding her, I refused to pick her up, and I spent all my time making sure Beeps still felt loved. Then it happened. I am not sure when exactly but a few months later I had two pugs that were mine.
A little background on Mabel: loves sugar cookies, vodka pasta sauce, carrots, snuggles, snoring, being a huge bitch to my husband when he tries to kiss her and thinks she is a princess (BECAUSE SHE IS A PRINCESS!).
At least once a day I catch my husband talking to each pug separately asking them “Why don’t you love me?” or “We used to be on the Adventure Team, what happened? Oh I know, your mother!” (Seriously, Beeps and he were like the real life version of Finn and Jake from Adventure Time). When the four of us are sitting on the couch watching TV, both pugs can be found lying on me. Mabel usually takes up my lap, while beeps prefers to wrap himself around my shoulders so that his face is against mine (gah, we are the cutest!). Next thing you know my husband slowly creeps his arms over and grabs a pug and forces them to sit with him, well that works for maybe 45 seconds, a few minutes if the pugs are feeling generous.
I can’t even take a shower without the pugs crying for me to come back to hang out with them. Step out of the shower and I almost step on a sleeping pug. When we come home from a night out he opens the door and yells “PUGGGGGSSSS!” what do they do? Yep, they run right by him to me. He tries to bribe them into loving him by giving them “people food” and taking them off their leashes when they go on walks. Alas, I can finally admit, those damn pugs are all mine. Now I don’t want you to think that they are complete jerks to my husband (he would say this is debatable) because they are not, they just prefer me that is all.
Lately I have noticed a lot of smack talk from my husband wanting to get a new brindle or white pug to take the current pugs place (AS IF!) and be all his (insert evil laugh here). At this rate you think he would just accept the fact that dogs like me, so no matter how many we have (oh god -we may end up like that lady in Omaha who had 90 cats in her house at this rate) there is a good chance I will be their favorite.
Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.
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