Halloween is my husbands favorite holiday. For as much as he claims he loves Halloween (the scary movies, pumpkin carving, more scary movies) I am surprised it isn’t on his list of favorite things. Have I ever mentioned this list? If not, here it is, his top five favorite things: hockey, ninjas, beer, comics and the pugs (DO YOU SEE WHO IS NOT ON THIS LIST?!! HOW RUDE!).
Due to this being his favorite holiday, he thinks it is his duty to make me watch endless hours of Supernatural (he and his Two-Headed Nerd co-host Joe Patrick have D&D characters– dungeons and dragons – that are Halfling (like a hobbit?) brothers named after the Winchester boys, super nerds with serious man-crushes) and horror movies such as Halloween and Hellraiser.
Before I met my husband I had seen Halloween, as I am sure most of you have, after meeting him I feel I have seen this movie at least eight times. Overkill? Every year as we carve our pumpkins he makes me watch it. If I even wince or suggest perhaps we watch something else he raises his hand in the air and in a baritone voice sing-shouts “WOMANNNN! NO!”
Anyway, Halloween stars Activia spokeswoman Jamie Lee Curtis, who while babysitting an annoying neighborhood 11 year old boy who’s afraid of the boogie man (seriously?), becomes the target of mental institution escapee Michael Myers. No, not this Mike Myers (but come on, that would be a movie I would see especially if he was in his Simon character the whole time), but this Michael Myers, the one who murdered his sister and her lover.
Last week my husband came home from work at The French Bulldog, and sat down on the couch to watch Hellraiser. I had never seen this and tried to fake sleep through it to show I had no interest. This didn’t work for two reasons. One, he kept talking to me about how Pinhead is his favorite character, and “this scene is the scariest scene in the movie”, “I love this line” yada, yada, yada. Two, you would think he is trying to get the Iowa School for the Deaf to hear what he is watching. He turns the volume up on these movies so that our whole god-damn house shakes from the boom, bo-bo-bo-boom, bo-bo-bo-boom bass, he’s got that super bass.
Fun fact, apparently my husband has the cube (puzzle box; editor’s correction) from Hellraiser in his office, and I have never noticed it before (I know, how could I not, as I am oh so observant). Turns out, once he handed it to me I acted just like the dumb daughter, Kirsty, from the movie. I actually started turning it over, gazing at it with curiosity, running my fingers over the designs and then tried pressing down and turning it to see if anything would happen. I actually asked my husband if it transforms. His silence said it all. I’m an idiot. It does not do any of that shit. It is just a cube (box; again editor’s note). The end.
Back to Hellraiser. Since I didn’t know what it was about, I just assumed it was about this Pinhead character haunting some small town on Halloween. Yeah, I was so wrong. It is about this cube (box) that summons these demons from hell that come and torture you while taking your soul back to hell with them.
Well at least I think that is what it was about, I am sure my husband will insert the plot for you if I am incorrect. I was too distracted by a few thoughts I had on the movie to really care that much about what was actually happening:
1. The clothes of the wife. I get that it was the 1980′s, but come on! What are those big black plastic star earrings that are as big as an orange? How are these dudes that she keeps picking up at the bar thinking she is sexy? She has dead eyes. As Tyra Banks would say, girl needs to SMIZE.
2. How did the blood of Frank’s brother bring him back from hell? Was he even dead? I mean I get that it’s a minor detail, but since this whole damn movie is about Frank coming back after dying at the hand of Pinhead and his gang of giant centipedes (cenobites; editor’s note), but why does his brothers blood rejuvinate him? I don’t understand.
3. Pinhead is only in this movie for like 10 minutes. What a rip-off! I thought he was the main character. No, instead it is a slimy dude named Frank, who is slowly reforming from bones, to muscle to skin. Apparently Frank is a terrible person because he likes sex and talks like a cast member of the Jersey Shore. Oh yeah and that he boned his brothers fiancee.
There are only a few more days until this scary movie season is over. I can only imagine what else my husband will make me watch in that time (definetly Evil Dead 2 and Drag Me to Hell; editor’s note. DEBABTABLE – wife’s note). The thing I will probably miss most about this time of year is that the Supernatural viewing will halt until next year. Sigh, that is a long time for my favorite demon hunters to go into hiding. Maybe my husband would be willing to shake things up. I think with the remaining days left this month I should introduce him to a classic Halloween movie of my choosing….Hocus Pocus anyone?
Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.