Award season might just be my favorite time of year. From January until the end of February there is an endless amount of red carpets, speeches, jokes and trophies to be given away. Even my husband loves award season, minus The Grammy’s, because almost everyone has a Grammy now a days and they let a woman beater perform three times last year and not one person called him out for it. Shame on you Grammy’s! So besides The Grammy’s being the Theon Greyjoy (from Game of Thrones) of the award season, we’re in. And, as you might have heard, last night was The Golden Globes. This is the award show where everyone gets wasted on Champagne (which apparently if you don’t eat – like most Hollywood starlets – is quiet easy to do).
My husband informed me that instead of being home to watch Giuliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest embarrass themselves on the red carpet for two hours, followed by the award show, we had to go to his niece’s 5th birthday dinner. To deal with this blow I had a plan. It involved getting tanked on sake and then relying on my twitter team to provide me’ twit-pics’ and updates on the red carpet. I would post their twitter handles aka names, but I don’t know whether or not they would want that, so just know it is made up of a group of around five of us ladies and to begin each live tweeting session, one of us issues a “roll call.” The roll call is when the tweeting officially starts by having us all check in. Without them on Sunday I would’ve been lost. Well done ladies, well done.
TWO HOURS LATER we finally arrived home and began watching the Golden Globes (the DVR is probably one of the greatest inventions ever, right!?). During the course of the telecast we drank more and both my husband and I were throwing out some tweets and then it happened.
Me: “Yay! Hugh Jackman won! You know he is gay, right?”
My husband: “What? He has a wife and kids.”
Me: “They have an arrangement and they adopted kids.”
My husband: “Is this confirmed or are you just citing your bullshit gossip blogs?”
Me: “Bullshit gossip blogs.”
After this exchange, he immediately went to twitter and posted “according to my wife Hugh Jackman is gay.” Within minutes I was getting a twitter smack-down: “in your face,” “he is not gay,” “you are wrong, where’s your proof,” etc… Seriously you guys, this must be what Kristen Stewart felt like when she cheated on her sparkly unicorn Robert Pattinson and the Twilight nation revolted against her.
In response, I was cool and collected and took the two fairly legit articles of proof (editor’s note* not actual “proof” of anything. *wife’s note –I’m not Jessica Fletcher or anything but I think my “proof” holds up) to this claim that I had and posted it to the twitter haters (one and two). They still responded throwing more shade my way and busting me out for citing gossip. Finally after another go round with me saying “look I am just stating what I heard and don’t actually give two f*&@s if Wolverine likes dudes or not, I still love him” the twitter troll ceased. He now follows me.
Moving on from the whole Hugh Jackman incident, and my god, it was a THING, I then proceeded to tell my husband about how Ben Affleck hooked up with Blake Lively during the making of The Town (SIDE: The Town was the shit! That scene where Jeremy Renner is walking around the car shooting at Jon Hamm…CHILLS!). Thankfully this time he didn’t jump on twitter to announce that bomb to the world. I can only take so much mean-girling from the twitter-verse. He did however laugh and exclaim in his best Charlie Kelly voice, “You were a journalism major! You should know better than to believe this stuff. Also, I don’t believe it.”
Of course he wouldn’t believe it.
If it is not coming out of one of the BOOOORING talking heads at NPR then according to him it’s not the truth (editor’s note* I use several different news sources and check my facts, also a member of two different skeptic groups. *wife’s note – what you wrote was so boring I think I just fell asleep). And to that I say to him, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.