Author: David DeMarco

nerdTV: Grampa Dave

Nerd TV Presents:  Arrow the Watchening or Grampa Dave is in his Rocking Chair Again Hello?  Who’s there?  Oh, it’s you!  I didn’t notice you for a minute there, just lost in my rememberins.  I do tend to wander off into my own little world in this here rockin’ chair.  What was I remembering you ask?  Well, I was rememberin’ a time when comic book characters were colorful and the villains they fought were even more colorful!  Now, I’m not talking about actual color, mind you, I’m talking about flavor.  A character’s got to have a sort of flare to capture the hearts and minds of the people who read the funny books.  Nowadays modern TV shows and Movies, they HATE flare, it scares ‘em.  So they do their level best to deflarify beloved characters, makin’ ‘em flat, lifeless, and generally worthless.  It’s been a few weeks since I’ve sat down to watch that Arrow show, but like always, I’m watchin’ it for the first time, come, watch it with me, I see that tonight’s episode is called Vertigo.  Suspicious, Vertigo is the name of the drug that Thea took that made her crash her birthday car…which means, undoubtedly, that the man who manufactures or distributes the drug will be called, The Count.  Not Count Vertigo, because that would be actual flavor.  Nope, he’ll just be The Count because...

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nerdTV: A Fatal Case of the Watchening

Hello fellow NerdTV nerds!  If you’re like me, you were in the hospital over the last week with a nigh fatal case of Arrow: The Watchening.  It’s true.  Apparently, small particles of Arrow can build up in the blood stream and can cause dry mouth, restless leg syndrome, purple diarrhea (I know, you’d think green), and insomnia.  The only cure is to read Mike Grell’s The Longbow Hunters and purge the harmful Arrow particles from the blood and replace them with brown Arrow particles (again, not Green, weird.).  Anyway, my blood is clean and my mind is fresh, time to flush that down the toilet by watching yet another episode of ARROW… The most unprofessional armored car drivers in history.  So unprofessional they’re dead; driven from the car by a masked man (or woman) wielding a grenade launcher.  Clearly this masked criminal is meant to be this show’s interpretation of the classic DC Villain: The Ultra-Humanite. Speedy is dropping hints that she wants a car.  Oliver got one for his 18th birthday!  Yes, but Oliver was a womanizer, you are a drunk, a 17 year old drunk.  Yada yada yada, the Mom is acting erratic, but that’s all explained away by the fact that her husband (no, not Oliver’s dad, the other one…*looks around and whispers* the black one) has disappeared.  Then some nonsense on the TV about how...

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nerdTV: The Returnening of the Watchening

NerdTV Presents: Arrow The Watchening The holidays are over and we begin last week’s episode with a bang, nay, a fwoosh, as a fireman inside a burning building is doused with a flammable chemical by a mysterious killer dressed like a fireman.  As far as scenes go, it’s pretty gruesome…almost as gruesome as the acting in the following scene when a character actor I’m pretty certain was in Biloxi Blues reports to Joanna—Laurel’s friend and co-worker–that her brother was killed last night.  Not since Darth Vader drunkenly stumbled from the operating table lamenting the death of Queen Amidala has the word ‘Nooooo’ been used to such deleterious affect. Apparently, Joanna finds her brother’s death suspicious.  The report shows an ignition temperature of 500 degrees, twice as hot as the fire that destroyed the building, consumed the brother.  How could he die in a fire twice as hot as the one he was fighting?  I don’t know.  Better question: how could a fire that consumes an entire warehouse only burn at 250 degrees?  Even if that’s 250 degrees Celsius that only equals 482 degrees Fahrenheit and the average HOUSE fire burns at 1100 degrees.  Man, this show, I should work as a stupid consultant. Oliver’s step-dad has gone missing.  The Step-Dad who knew too much, I suppose.  Moira isn’t taking it well, but don’t worry, Oliver knows just what will...

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nerdTV: The Watchening Returns

NerdTV Presents: Arrow The Watchening Sorry about my absence last week everyone, I was sick.  Did Arrow make me sick?  Who knows?  Maybe?  Yes.  Yes it did.  But, I really wanted to write a rundown for you guys, so, here are my ‘notes’ from the previous episode that I missed.  They’re not really notes, more like the incoherent ramblings of a madman.  Enjoy. OMG!  I think Oliver’s island helper on Arrow is Silver Lion from The Man With the Iron Fists.  Also, poor bunny never had a chance. Oliver can’t shoot a tree, no birch stew for him tonight. Trapped on the island!  Captured by masked men!  I hope he survives…wait. Laurel’s dad is the most unprofessional police officer in the world and I’m including the world of Serpico. Oliver is very bad at concealing his secret identity: “What about those Green Arrows we found in your bedroom?”  “Those are barbecue skewers.”  “And this Green Hood?”  “Beach wear.”   “And this book of all the names of the Arrow Killer’s targets?  I’m writing a mystery novel and working backwards from the names.”  “DAMN IT QUEEN!” Laurel absolutely can’t represent Oliver, her dad is the arresting officer, they’ve had a prior relationship, etc. etc. Oliver is representing himself; it would be funny if they showed that for the last three years on the island he was imprisoned with a lawyer and...

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nerdTV: Can’t Stop the Watchening

Guys (and presumably some ladies) I’m going to be honest…I have absolutely no idea how to tackle the most recent episode of Arrow.  On its face, it seems pretty straightforward, almost like a forgotten episode of Boston Legal or The Practice.  The premise: A man, Peter Declan, sits on death row, days from execution accused of murdering his wife.  Ah, but it turns out the wife worked for someone, Nathan Brojoe…Brobart…Broheim, whose name is in Oliver’s book of nasty men.  Well, obviously, this must mean Mr. Declan is innocent!  Oliver gets Laurel to reopen the case and while she battles the courts, Oliver goes on string of missions involving torture and coercing confessions out of people by shooting arrows through various body parts.   It all felt very forced and very uncomfortable. When the ‘innocent’ man was finally released from jail and his five year old daughter runs in for a hug, I kind of hoped he would pull out a makeshift knife and kill her, “JUST LIKE HER CHEATING MOTHER!”  Dear god, just because someone’s name is in the book, it doesn’t mean they’re guilty of EVERYTHING bad that happens to those around them.  Oliver, what have you done?  You got a maniac released from jail!  But that didn’t happen, everything happened as expected…except for the tease at the end of Oliver being arrested for being Arrow.  I figured...

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