Editor’s Note: A lot has changed in Hollywood since occasional love-slave Kevin Coffey turned in this piece, most notably the deal between Sony and Marvel Studios, and the reshuffling of Marvel’s Phase 3 dates. Don’t worry about it and just have fun…
Sucked up in the hype. Cautiously optimistic. Dismissive: All responses to the age-old question: “Will that movie be any good?” As nerds, we are subjected to that query at least once a week. Sometimes we have an opinion based on our love of Tom Hiddleston, our hate of Zac Snyder or the time 14 years ago we read the trade paperback on which the movie is based. Sometimes, you don’t have an opinion at all. That’s why I’m here: From this year’s biggest films (Avengers: Age of Ultron and Star Wars: The Force Awakens) to far off releases (Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and Justice League), I’ve got the knowledge, and I made some predictions. Some will suck. Some will be great. Some will fail at the box office while still being good films. Read on and learn about the future…
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Probably not as good as the hype it’s getting, but at heart it will be a solid and fun ride.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
That worn-in look and feel combined with modern CGI and camera work will cause everyone to say this is a true successor to Lucas’ original trilogy. Five years later, we’ll rewatch it and realize it’s not quite as good as we remember from opening day. But at least it’s not the prequels, right? Right?
Mad Max: Fury Road
Tom Hardy will (again) prove himself to be the badass we all wish we could be.
They did it again. The same story for the fourth time. But is Chris Pratt a worthy successor to Jeff Goldblum?
They said, “Let’s reboot Terminator.” We all said, “Great idea!” But they’re not really rebooting it so much as messing with the timeline, are they? Maybe it will be fun, but I’m not sure this will do well. Are we tired of mid-level Terminator follow-ups?
The first Marvel movie to be considered a “failure” despite the fact that it’s a good film. Ant Man’s lack of name recognition and poor marketing will do him in.
Better than anyone gives it credit for even if it’s not much like the the FF comics.
Ryan Reynolds’s big comeback.
Batman v. Superman
Makes $1 billion. Comic nerds still bitch about how much Man of Steel sucked while not realizing everyone around them loves Superman again. Cue people saying, “Well, he’s not my Superman.” Guess what, nerds? No one cares. You can keep your old Superman. The world likes this one.
Captain America: Civil War
Maybe the most adaptable of recent Avengers comic storylines, this one will do really well. Much to everyone’s surprise, Captain America’s trilogy of solo films makes him the most solidly performing member of the Avengers.
Star Wars: Boba Fett
Three minutes of screentime in two films was cool. Two hours of bloated sci-fi make everyone finally realize that Boba Fett is stupid.
Finally, a Marvel movie that competes with Avengers in terms of reach and sales. Relaunches X-Men in a big way.
Paul Feig’s reboot is really funny and mighty scary, but aside from that Ghost patch on Kristen Wiig’s arm, it doesn’t feel much like a Ghostbusters movie.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2
This turd of a film will give way to a third that seemingly no one wants. After that one, they’ll kick off another trilogy it with a new star. We all remember the Transformers films and nod our heads in recognition.
A cast better than this film deserves actually pulls one out. It ends up being the best of the early films in the DC Cinematic Universe.
Channing Tatum is adorable. Gambit’s faux-Creole accent is too. Neither will be enough to hold this flimsy film together.
Benedict Cumberbatch brings magic into the MCU and his fanbase grows ever larger, but unless he secures a cameo in Captain America 3, he’s going to need a serious push to get people to go to the theater.
If this happens, it will be bad. Speaking as someone who enjoyed “The Amazing Spider-Man” and parts of its sequel, this was the worst crap about that series. No one cares if Spider-Man isn’t in it.
Visually stunning fantasy film fails to bring in an audience looking for something to fill the hole where Middle-Earth once was. No one realizes we have enough Hobbit footage to last us til 2025.
Star Trek 3
Without JJ at the helm, it just doesn’t capture our attention.
And into the future…
The Wolverine 2
With it now X-Men film canon that Wolverine hasn’t aged since at least the ‘60s, we’re now fine with Hugh Jackman pushing 50 by the time this comes out. Especially if he remains so ripped.
Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Let’s hope this is more of a Godfather Part II than a Caddyshack 2.
Another solid Spider-Man film that Sony considers a failure because it didn’t make $1 billion. Dear Sony: It was a one-time thing. Figure that out already.
Thor will die. Loki will die. Women will weep.
After Batman v. Superman, this is kind of a sequel. If they do it right, it will be huge. Maybe even bigger than Avengers. But will they do it right?
Avengers: Infinity War
Years of seeing Thanos cameos will finally pay off. But by then, will anyone care?
By the time this film comes out practically five years from now, will anyone remember that the Inhumans factored largely into Marvel comics continuity?
Neil Blomkamp’s Alien will be the Alien movie we’ve seen since 1986. That says a lot.
The sequel to Prometheus will be the best Prometheus movie we’ve seen since 2012. That’s not saying much at all.
By night, Kevin Coffey fights crime as a masked vigilante. By day, he’s the music critic for the Omaha World-Herald, Dungeon Master, lover of the Muppets, husband and father. He also enjoys making snide comments during movies (his wife has asked that he stop, but he refuses). Read his musings on Twitter (@owhmusicguy), music reviews and previews at Omaha.com, and bloggy stuff at his blog, Rock Candy.