Tony Romo, the current quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, broke Troy Aikman’s career franchise record for all time touchdown passes last night. All I have to say about that is…OVERRATED!
Let me take you back to another time, 32 years ago, April 21, 1980 to be exact. Picture this; in Kansas City, a beautiful baby girl aka ME (seriously, I was an adorable baby. Some babies suffer from Benjamin Button syndrome, not I) was being born into this world, while over in San Diego, an overrated baby stumbled out of his mother’s womb; a baby named Tony Romo. It was fate that these two babies, born on the same day, miles apart would be bound forever as arch nemeses. Why not soul mates? Well, because Romo would betray our birth bond by ending up as the quarterback to the Dallas Cowboys. I grew up right outside of Washington D.C., so naturally I was raised as a Redskin fan, and to this day still am. So to put it in nerdy terms, Harry Potter = Me, Voldemort = Tony Romo.
Why my Romo hatred you ask? He is, in fact, a super-overrated quarterback. A fact my husband denies. He is a Romo-apologist (*editor’s note; I am not a Cowboys fan, *wife’s note: if you were, DIVORCE!), along with apparently the rest of the sports world. Sure, he broke a passing record last night, but where are all the playoff victories and the all-important SUPER BOWL title? What’s that? It doesn’t exist? He hasn’t won any? Must be because Romo chokes every year! My husband will tell you that it doesn’t take a Super Bowl victory to make one a great quarterback (editor’s note; See Dan Marino’s career for example, *wife’s note: ahem, see below for why Marino is an exception to the rule). I would argue when you are getting almost biblical praise, then yes, you DO need a god damned ring.
Here are just a few examples of the nonsense that spews weekly from my husband’s mouth about my arch nemesis:
-“Are you listening to what Cris Collinsworth is saying about Romo? It’s the exact same thing I have been saying. He is NOT overrated.” (me: “No, why would I listen to such fairy tales? Unless it’s Once Upon A Time, because that is the shit.”)
-“Wow! That was a great throw. Romo can pass, he is a great passer.” (me: “I could make that pass. He is passing to a guy who is wide open and like two feet away. So what I am saying is that I am as good as Romo, which is true, I would make a very overrated quarterback if I was throwing to Dez Bryant too.”)
-“Well Dan Marino doesn’t have a Super Bowl ring, is he overrated?” (me: “He is was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, so he doesn’t need a ring!”)
-“He dumped Jessica Simpson, how do you not like him for doing that?!” (me: “Well he had to date her to dump her, soooooo….”)
-“Are you seriously sitting on the couch with a Harry Potter wand yelling spells at Tony Romo?” (me: “Only when they play the Redskins. I wish wizards were real.”)
-“Oh babes, look at that Dallas won. Who’s overrated now?” (me: “Your face is overrated. Ohhhh burn!“)
Ugh, my husband is certainly not a Ron Weasley to my Harry Potter (my mind instantly went dirty after writing that, I have the humor of a 12-year-old boy), because Ron would NEVER taunt Harry like this. He knew Voldemort was the WORST, and helped Harry do everything possible; he even lost a brother in Harry’s quest to destroy his arch nemesis.
My husband on the other hand keeps sending virtual hand jobs to Romo (editor’s note; What?, *wife’s note: you know exactly what that means), despite the fact that I keep telling him one of us is eventually going to have to destroy the other. He seems to be rooting for Romo, probably because he knows I am freakishly strong and would not hesitate to shank a bitch and he’s too scared to fight me. But still, he’s acting like Draco Malfoy, which is unacceptable, but fitting, since it turns out Draco in the end was overrated, just like someone else I know…
Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.