It was bound to happen. After all the threats, I blame this blog. Part 2 of “The Owl City Incident” blog has done me in.

When going to choose the four songs for me to review off of my husband’s Spotify he went to his facebook page to check his “Music Activity” page that tracks his Spotify activity to help me pick me his most listened to songs. A Funny thing happened; all of them were apparently my songs.

In the lead was “Take Care” by Drake (obviously – Wheelchair Jimmy has my heart), “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepson, Chiddy Bang’s “Handclaps and Guitars” and Santigold’s “The Keepers” and “Disparate Youth.” So, this obviously posed a problem on how to pick my songs. I decided that I was just going to dive in and pick four songs myself that looked (by name only) like something I might enjoy

So here’s what I picked:

1.  Gravediggaz “Mommy, What’s a Gravedigga?”

I picked this song for two reasons. The first the band has a ‘z’ in their name, so I am obviously all in. Two, the title of the song, oh man the potential for this to be the most horrible rap song (aka really the greatest) ever is endless. I can’t wait! Apparently, according to my husband, this group is the “horror-rap” side project of the Wu-Tang Clan. Meaning it’s the Wu-Tang’s side project with some special friends. It is a lot slower of a jam than I would have assumed for such a title, and for being a horror project it is not very scary. I need some creepy ghost background noises or some shit. Also, I prefer the normal Wu-Tang and songs more than 1 minute and 44 damn seconds. Rip-off.

2.  Hella “Biblical Violence”

Again, I picked this song for two reasons. I use the word ‘hella’ way more than I probably should (thank you No Doubt), and two um, the title of this song! I really hope this is a rap song, but I know I will not be so lucky to hear Hella rap about how ‘Yo, first Moses split the sea then he split heads after all the n*gg*s gone he took dem ho’s back to his bed…’ Ugh, way to disappoint Hella – you are an instrumental math-rock band (according to my husband and what the hell is math-rock)?!   The only biblical violence that is occurring when I listen to this song, is the hella violence that my ears are suffering by having to listen to this. I mean throw in a P. Diddy grunt or something, anything! I need vocals, this is just an indie rock version of elevator music.

3.  Megafaun “Get Right”

I like to have mega fun so needless to say that is why I choose this band and song. Actually the first song of theirs I originally choose turned out to be over eight minutes long, and that made me throw up in my mouth (my attention span lasts about three to three and a half minutes). If your band is named Megafun then you better be a dance band. Fingers crossed. HA!!! I was fooled, this band is not called Megafun, it’s called Megafaun. Boo. My excitement level has dropped 76%, fingers though are still crossed for some dance beats. Fooled again – “Get Right” is the eight and a half minute song!! Gah! I have got to start wearing my damn glasses. So far so good, I actually really like this. It has a good head bopping, toe tapping beat to it. Not full on dance beats, but good potential to have a lot of movement watching them live from the audience. I can’t hate. Actually this instrumental lull around the four minute and 40 second mark, I can totally hate. End song now please.

4.  Zun Zun Egui “Dance of the Crickets”

I picked this song because the title, mainly the word cricket. As you know my show of the moment is “Once Upon A Time” (I am all caught up, thank you very much) so cricket reminded me of Jiminy Cricket, who is a character on the show. No other reason. I am hoping this is Japanese speed metal. Speed metal this is not. Japanese it is not. I have no idea what the shit this could even be classified as. A touch of 1980’s, with a side of Yanni if he jammed with the Dave Matthews Band and spoke Native American (I am not fluent on Native American languages but I know this is not Spanish, soooo…) is the best I can come up with. *Editor’s note, Zun Zun Egui sounds nothing like either Yanni or Dave Matthews and I blame my wife’s complete lack of desire to listen to anything without a strong 4/4 beat for the terrible metaphor.  They have obvious aphro-beat influences but to be fair, I think they’re insane. There is nothing insane about this, fact.

Well, I hope all of you Two-Headed Nerd loyalists are happy. Due to this blog, and me bringing it to all of you my Spotify rights are now revoked. So not only did I have to suffer through these songs, while wearing some spiffy ‘Beats by Dre’ head-phones (the only bonus to this), but I now have to pay $10 a month for my own Spotify account. Good thing my husband leaves his home computer and Spotify account open because as revenge I plan on starring the new Ke$ha, Christina Aguilera and anything by my boy Drake to his playlist. As you know, I wouldn’t want his schizophrenic Spotify to start to become, gasp, “normal.”

Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.