Arrow: The Watchening

Tonight’s episode of Arrow, according to my DVR, was titled ‘Lone Gunmen’.  This confused me, as there were no ‘gunmen’ plural, but rather one gunman, singular.  Where is my second gunman CW?  I paid good money for this show and I demand!…hold on…my wife is telling me that in fact I paid nothing for this show and that even if we didn’t have cable, I’d still be able to watch it for free.  Hmm, you win this round ‘Arrow’ if that is your real name (it isn’t).

Anyway, tonight we got our first real taste of an actual factual super villain on the show, the deadly, totally in the comics, assassin known as Deadshot.  According to Oliver Queen on the show, Interpol calls him Deadshot because, ‘he never misses.’  Thank you for that, Oliver, with a name like Deadshot, I thought he buried his victims alive in a casket filled with piranha.  Also, it’s a pretty terrible nickname, because he spends the entire episode missing all over the place.  His last target is Oliver Queen’s step-dad and Deadshot misses because Laurel Lance’s dad, the cop, notices the laser targeting dot on You’re not my real Dad’s chest and tackles him out of the way…which results in an innocent waiter being killed. Then “Deadshot” takes a few more shots and continues missing his intended target, but he kills a lot of ancillary party types, waiters, old dudes, I think the guy playing the piano.  Call me crazy, but I would think a Master Assassin wouldn’t have to use laser targeting, he should be making shots like banking the bullet off the ice sculpture, through the chocolate fountain, and straight into You’re not the boss of Me’s windpipe.  Oh, AND as an added bonus, Deadshot’s bullets are coated in Curare, a deadly poison, so, presumably, if he only shoots you in the big toe, you’ll still die and he gets to keep his super scary nickname.

On a happy note, the only person Oliver killed tonight was Deadshot.   Shot an arrow right through his eyeball.  No word on if it was also laced with deadly Curare, but, given Oliver’s penchant for revenge, if it was laced with anything, it was probably laced with Green Arrow #2’s, a little island trick he picked up.

Random Arrow Thoughts:

  • The first guy Oliver goes to kill is on the list because he installed faulty smoke detectors in his low income apartment buildings.  Saving a grand total of what?  500 dollars? Truly, he is a cancer that must be removed.   Or, Oliver, you     could just BUY good smoke detectors and pass them out, hmm?
  • Everyone in Max’s night club is dancing around listlessly in a circle.  Does his night club serve Drank?  Do you like dancing, but want to ‘slow your roll’?  Drink Drank and dance all slow like in a circle.
  • Deadshot tattoos the names of his victims on his body.  Fun Fact: If Arrow were to do the same thing, he would run out of skin room somewhere in the G’s.
  • Arrow takes a computer from Deadshot’s hotel room and brings it to the IT department of his company putting both his secret identity and the life of the adorkable IT girl in terrible danger.
  • I think Tommy Merlyn looks like the love child of Nathan Fillion and Paul Ryan.

Walking Dead Season 3  Episode 2

DO NOT THROW A ZOMBIE AT RICK!  IF YOU THROW A ZOMBIE AT RICK BE PREPARED TO TAKE A MACHETE TO THE SKULL.  You might think that was my favorite part of the episode; it wasn’t.  My favorite part is where Lori admitted that she was a terrible wife and mother.  The writers of that show have not done her character any favors.  I don’t know what it will take to get her back from the brink of intense fan dislike, but reviving Herschel ain’t gonna do it.

Comic Book Men

Tonight, on the only show more scripted than Big Bang Theory, the nerdy quartet have a contest to see who will have to act out the wedding of Reed Richards and Susan Storm.  Why?  I have no idea.  Because it’s funny?  No, that can’t be the reason, because it wasn’t.  It shall remain an uncomfortable mystery.  Seriously, seeing Ming in the wedding dress with ridiculous blue lips is something that will haunt my sleep for the next month.

Once again the guys make me jealous by going to an auction and buying Giant Size X-Men #1 and Uncanny X-Men 94 for a combined total of $150.  And a guy with terrible comics that reek of cigar smoke tries to sell them for 5 grand.  You can imagine how that turns out, but whatever you do, make sure to remember to imagine Bryan wearing pants.

David DeMarco is Joe Patrick’s boss at Legend Comics & Coffee.  He is able to write this column because Joe Patrick does all the hard work at the shop, while Dave drinks coffee and goofs around.  This is an arrangement that is acceptable to Dave.