My husband is always on his phone, ALWAYS. It is the most annoying – and sometimes also the rudest – thing ever. We will be out to dinner and he gets a text about his fantasy football team. Emergency stuff right? He instantly will respond to it. If someone sends him a text stream of pug pictures (this is a fact, this does happen), he will answer and respond…WHILE IN A MOVIE! But when his lovely wife sends him text messages, they go unanswered for minutes, hours, days, sometimes FOREVER.
I present a few examples below.
Me: “Oh.My.God. I think my uterus is starting a revolution inside me. I might be dying.”
ME: “Yep, this is what death feels like”
Me: “So long my love”
My husband: NO RESPONSE
What if I were really dying?! He would have let me die. How would he feel if he came home and I was dead and the pugs had to eat me because they were starving? (I would obviously taste delicious as I survive on a diet of red wine and Frosted Flakes).
Me: “Don’t be alarmed if you find blood in the bathroom. I’m fine.”
My husband at 6:44 p.m. finally responded: “What happened.”
What happened?! Not, “oh my god, are you okay?”, “do I need to call for help?” or “are you alive?” Nothing! He responds more to pictures of random internet pugs, but his bleeding wife, all I get is a short, cold two word response.
The best part of all this is while my dying, bloody texts were being sent and stored on his iphone5, other texts to him were being answered at an alarming rate.
So he had to be punished, obviously. As a punishment I made him attend “Deathtrap” at the Omaha Community Playhouse with me this past weekend. He’s not a huge theater fan, so you would think as a punishment that he wouldn’t repeat his mistake. Oh no, see below to Saturday’s text message. (Side note: If any of you want discounted tickets to this play, contact the Playhouse group sales department by calling Lora at 402-553-4890, ext. 147 or email [email protected] All they need to do is mention the buzz team discount and tell Lora that I, Kacie, referred you. End side note).
Me: “I’m ruined. I need to go home.”
Me: “I need to go home”
My husband: NO RESPONSE
I had to physically grab my husband by the arm as he walked by me to get his attention and repeat said texts to him. His response, “Why didn’t you let me know you wanted to go home.” OH HELL TO THE NO! I did, fool, I did.
Now, I am not saying that I answer EVERY text message that is sent to me. Like I recently received one from a friend reminding me it was R. Kelly’s birthday, I feel that one doesn’t warrant a response. Though if a friend or I dunno, MY HUSBAND, sent me some texts about their man parts starting a revolution, random blood spillage or their state of ruined-ness (I’m pretty sure I just made that word up) then I would at least read the text and if nothing else respond to let them know I received it. For my husband and the rest of you non-responders my feelings on this issue can best be summed up in the words of Stephanie Tanner from the great show, Full House…HOW RUDE!
Kacie Baum is a professional partier, mother of two pugs, and the wife of Matt Baum. She tolerates the constant presence of the Two-Headed Nerd in her home each week. She did not write this bio. Pre-THN entries of Girl Meets Nerd can be found here.